Sex and the City 2

My old mate Edmund Blackadder once said to his lady queen

"Madame, life without you is like a broken pencil; pointless."

If that is true, then Sex and the City 2 is all that remains of what was once a whole case of pencils, trampled brutally underfoot by a hoard of charging, drunken women, their lead now but a fine dust blowing away in the slight autumn breeze.

If one were to look for a point to this film (though why one would bother is beyond me) I think the closest thing you would find would be that it acts as a two and a half hour commercial. For UAE tourism, for Moët, for dozens of shoe and dress designers, though strangely without any stand-out shoes or dresses. It is, in short, painful.


The actresses are not old, but not young. They exist in that strange middle ground where they can no longer play sexy, smouldering young women (or even middle-aged women) but they're not yet old enough to bemoan their fate as the aged and forgotten. As Suzie Salmon might say, they're in the in-between.

The one-liners aren't as razor-sharp, nor as shocking. In fact, they can all pretty much be summarised as:
Any one of three plain women: "[Insert statement here.]"
Samantha (the slut): "I'd like to [insert your statement here]."

Yes. All hilarious stuff. Willy jokes. Boob jokes. Orgasm jokes. How we laughed. By "we" I of course mean those women in the audience still drunk enough to ignore the many short-comings of the film. Ahahaha short...comings. Get it? [If you didn't, then 10 points to you. If you did get my hilarious orgasm-double-entendre, then a further question must be asked - was it funny? If you say yes, rush out and see this film. If not, 1000 points to you.]

The first 15 minutes of the movie were the best. They were hideously offensive to most gay men, I counted no less that 742 stereotypes, but they were the best. How could they not be - Liza was there! Yes Liza Minnelli rides in to save the day with a fun, albeit hardly musical, version of Single Ladies.

NB At this time I would like to put in the disclaimer that the first 15 minutes might not have actually been the best in the film, but after 15 minutes I'm pretty sure that my Moët/anaesthetic was starting to run low... as was my patience.

Please don't make me go on. I really did find this film dreadful. A poll of the six women I work with who saw it with me revealed that not one, not a single one enjoyed it.

I doubt I'll convince any women reading this not to watch the film. But now that I've posted this I will be able to say I told you so!




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1 Star (Liza)

This is an outstandingly hilarious post on the same "film".