New Moon

I'm just this second back from the premiere of New Moon and, truth be told, I'm a leeetle bit tipsy. Irrelevant comment? Never! For this film, if ever I saw one, illustrates the importance of being half cut when going into a movie with low expectations. As someone who did not enjoy the first Twilight film, I thought it was important to have one or two before embarking on this new journey.

God help me it worked (to a certain extent) because, as things were starting, I felt myself getting caught up with the excitement. There's something about sitting in a cinema full of people who are all looking forward to seeing the film they're about to be screened.

With all of this anticipation, would I enjoy it? God no! It's terrible. But much like my pre-movie daiquiri, it was also quite intoxicating. I do worry though that this could be the first movie franchise which has been based solely on its beef-cake quotient rather than story, acting, humour, anything! It's a serious concern for the industry as a whole.

Was it better than the first film? Absolutely. Twilight was poorly directed and painful to watch, while New Moon was just painful to watch.

Seriously though, the dialogue is abysmal and has some terrible moments of "you did not just say that?!" The acting is not worth calling acting. Crack Whore Stewart and Wrinkled Foot Pattinson are hard to endure. I will confess however that every moment with Taylor Lautner is a visual delight. And yes... I do mean that in a strangely paedophilic, sexual way.

The effects were also good. Not ground-breaking, but of a quality you'd expect to see in a movie and light-years ahead of its predecessor.

New Moon will however still make mega-bucks and fans will love it despite its many failings. Simply put, it has a simple audience not attune to spotting continuity errors, poor scripting or any of the classic distractions filmmakers use to distract from flaws in their projects. I was shocked to hear an audible gasp from across the aisle when one character proposed! It's a book people! Despite the fact that they've crammed the contents of a rather long book into a rather short film, I couldn't explain the story. There isn't one!

So in summary. It's crap. But entirely engaging and I'm sure it will do well. You can, and possibly will, like it. You won't like yourself for liking it. Please go and watch a real film afterwards! My current suggestions would be Away We Go, Fantastic Mr Fox or The Lovely Bones as a nice cleanser for the mind.

Team Jacob all the way!

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2 Stars